If it has been one of those days...

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Lubbert Das Speaks!

Fuccerham

You have probably noticed that I purposely avoid writing the word f*$k on my blog. I will always self-censor with an asterisk or a pound sign or some other stupid funking shit(Oh for God's sake, see what I did there?) I mean what the fu*king hell is wrong with me, I mean for f*ck's sake.

Fu#k, fu=k, f@ck, f^ck, fu*k, F*UUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!?

However I have no problem linking to a site or placing an image or embedding a song that is rife with it!

See:

www.fuckthiswebsite.com


I mean I can curse like a motherfu%cker when I want to, so what the hell stops me from going the full monty on my blog! I wouldn't say I'm Tony Sopranno, but get me riled; Oh boy! It's like a midnight meat train to crazy town and I would be the craziest of all the f*ckstick's: think Christian Bale with tourettes mixed to the soundtrack of NWA!

Just feckin' crazy man!

Believe me, you just don't want to know...



So why is it that a red-blooded, ginger bearded, handsome, sexy, god-like Irish man from the toughest(and many would say the best) part of Ireland is such a f**king baby when it comes to writing the word F*$K on his blog!? Also add to the fact that I completely abhor any form of artistic censorship!

So just what the hell is my problem?



I guess we need to delve a little deeper into the psyche that is Lubbert Das:

My parents being rather prudish in nature were quite strict regarding the use 'foul language' in the house(well aren't most parents?) In fact I believe I only have heard my father use the word 'F*ck' once! Seriously! One time- that's it. My mother ....God, I don't think I have ever heard her swear. Maybe she did but I didn't quite catch it as her shoe was in my ear at the time! Who knows...

So yeah as a kid I didn't curse much.



Let's move on to possibly another piece of the puzzle!

My grandfather was a voracious reader and every time I would visit him he would have another book to pass off to me and as I got older the books got slightly more interesting. I remember he gave me 'Jaws' and then sometime later 'The Exorcist' I was overjoyed, this was adult reading material. OK, 2000AD and Savage Sword of Conan were pretty damn good but these books had bad language and possibly even sexual content!!!!! However on closer inspection I noticed that he had taken the time to scribble out(quite neatly) every single curse word in all the books! So When Regan is saying '---- me!, ----me! Your mother ---- ----- in hell!' I have to say it kinda lessened the impact. His mother was what? Having pizza? Meeting Hitler? Smoking fags? Spiting cooks!? Licking Hamsters? I mean WTF!!



That above paragraph is rather telling isn't it!? Let's continue, still with me?

I remember an experience I had when I was eleven with an older girl of about thirteen or thereabouts. I was being held down and straddled in a field (hello!!)She was a bit of a bully and as I was a skinny weak asthmatic pacifist I couldn't do much about it! So I struggled and squirmed (it wasn't that bad really) until I finally said in the most assertive tone of voice that I could muster "Would you get the F*UK off me!" That was the first time I recall using the F word!


"O Lord," swears Molly, "I wanted to shout all sorts of things fuck or shit or anything at all"


Repressed? F*ck no!

...



So what have we learnt about Lubbert?

Fock all really eh?

Unitard

I bought an album some years back called 'Yes New York' which was an album whose name borrowed from the similar 1978 Brian Eno-curated disc 'No New York.' The album contained 16 tracks from artists at the forefront of the then current New York indie scene.

This album was my first introduction to Interpol(Yeah I know they sound like Joy Division, but for me that was yet another reason to like them!) One track in particular from this album was the song 'Year to be hated' by a band called 'Unitard' which just completely floored me!

I had not realized that Unitard (never go full tard!) was actually the original name of the band 'Yeah Yeah Yeah's!' I had bought their first album 'Fever to Tell' which I thought was fantastic, but I had no idea of their connection to Unitard!

Anyway; now I do!

I couldn't find a decent version of 'Year to be hated'(now renamed 'Our time') so here is a few other YYY's tracks for your listening pleasure (God! listen to me- what am I now a f*#king DJ!?)







God I love Karen O!

There's a bug in my gomae !?

So that Karma malarkey that Earl Hickey is always talkin' about must be true, as just a few days after having dared my son to eat something that he found to be rather disgusting i.e., a prawn. I got a carry out from my local Japanese restaurant found this in my green hill of gomae!!!!


Let's get a little closer in on that little fella there....



I think it's a cricket!?

Nice...

Now for the most part I know that crickets do not carry any diseases and they are quite harmless( well even less harmless if they are dead; buried beneath a pile of spinach!) But I have to say finding one in my food doesn't really make me want to jump up and down for joy because I got a bit of extra free meat! No it does in fact make me want to vomit and not vomit in a good way like when you just want to make a bit of extra room for those last few jagermeister shots.

No sir!

It just makes me want to puke. Full stop!

So on returning to the restaurant I was informed quite flippantly by the guy behind the counter that:

It has happened quite a few times before...not a big deal! Sometimes the back door is left open and 'stuff' gets in!

He then continued to tell me that he could give me a refund on the 'gomae' but not the rest of the meal; however I would need to hand over the receipt before he could do so (Of course I refused to hand over the receipt or the gomae and the bug in question until I had the chance to speak to the manager)

I was then told that the manager was not available and that if I just handed over the carton, he would give me the $3.50 for the gomae out of his own pocket! I explained that it wasn't really about the money, I mean he was offering me $3.50...which was actually a bit of a joke! I had found a rather large 'BUG' in my food and would really like to make a formal complaint to his manager!

Then after trying to grab the food carton in question he said 'The manager is unavailable'.

Well I explained, the only reason I came back to your restaurant was to voice my complaint and I hadn't actually intended to take it any further. However as you have now told me that this seems to be quite a regular occurrence within the restaurant, maybe I should just take my complaint to 'Health Canada' as you do not seem to be taking the matter very seriously!

Then as his eyes widened and his body tensed...

'We could just give you some money under the table, but what's to say that you wouldn't just take the box and go to Health Canada anyway?'

...

At that point I wrote down my tel number and told him to get the manager to phone me as soon as she was available and then I left swinging my little bagged funeral carton behind me as I went!

What had me completely dumbfounded was the fact that he just didn't lie! Something to the effect of 'Apologies! This has never happened before, we actually run a very clean establishment.' I mean telling a customer that 'this has happened quite a few times before' and then attempting to bribe said customer doesn't really make for good customer relations does it?

This is a restaurant I had visited quite frequently in the past year and had held it in the highest regard; Great food, great service and very reasonably priced! But after this experience I don't think I'll be returning anytime soon...

The restaurants name? I'll wait and see if the manager does actually call me before I hand over that piece of information...

Easter Parade

Danger 50000 Volts Zombies

Billy Bob Bob ...

For those who haven't seen it:

Prawn = DS

Yesterday whilst working my way through a small bowl of prawns, I decided to dare my son to eat one!

You see, he is an incredibly fussy eater and asking him to eat a prawn would be like asking Paul McCartney to eat an artificial leg of lamb or Paris Hilton to lick the shit from her little chiwawa's asshole! Well unless her other chiwawa had a camera and was filming the action...then, who knows!?

Fact is, I'm always trying to get my son to try new dishes so he has a more varied and balanced diet, instead of just being limited to cheese toasties and chicken strips with fries! I did it once before with a cucumber sushi roll and to my amazement he actually ate it and in doing so,decided that he quite liked it. The bet at that time was for ten bucks!

So I tried the same thing with the prawn:

"Ten bucks"

No response.

"Twenty bucks"

Nothing.

"Fifty bucks"

Slight eyebrow raise.

"OK, one hundred bucks!"

Not even a sigh passed by his lips...

I realized that I had to up the ante somewhat so I said that I would buy him the latest Nintendo DS!

This time I detected a little bit of motion as he shuffled in his seat obviously pondering the proposition. He then lifted his eyes from the Calvin and Hobbes book that was sat within his lap and said:

"OK!"

As he motioned towards the bowl of prawns I figured there was no way on earth he was going to go through with it. He would pick up the strange food object, smell it, poke it with his finger and then immediately put it back down again...

Imagine my complete and utter surprise when he placed it in his mouth.

"It's not too bad!" he said.

And then he started to chew very, very slowly, with a couple of intermittent `gag reflexes` for added effect.

Finally with his little eyes watering up and his face turning slightly red he swallowed!

"DS please dad!"

"Nah! I had my fingers crossed, look..."

And as he fell to the floor weeping his little heart out I smiled and nodded self satisfied in the knowledge that a good day's parenting had once again been done.

1) Got him to try a new dish!
2) Taught him that doing something solely for monetary gain is wrong!
3) His dad is still a crafty bastard!

May God bless me and continue to guide and shine his light of wisdom upon me...















Oh come on! Of course I'm getting him his DS! You people would believe anything...

Just checking out your club!

Paradise Lost.

While watching the documentary 'Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills' I sketched up the the 'alleged' perpetrators of the crime; Jessie Miskelly, Jason Baldwin and Damian Wayne Echols.

From IMDB: Berlinger and Sinofsky's documentary of a gruesome triple murder in West Memphis, Arkansas and the subsequent trials of three suspects, takes a hard look at both the occult and the American justice system in 'small-town' America. Three teenagers are accused of this horrific crime of killing three children, supposedly as a result of involvement in Satanism. As in their previous documentary, things turn out to be more complex than initial appearances and this film presents the real-life courtroom drama to the viewer, as it unfolds.

The kids themselves should never have been convicted as there was no evidence whatsoever to connect them to the crime. They did however happen to like Metallica, be in the possession of an Aleister Crowley book and wear black, which believe it or not actually helped to cement the case for the prosecution; well that, and the town gossip. I mean talk about "spectral evidence!"

...

Quite honestly at times it felt like I was watching a reenactment of the Salem Witch trails.

I am almost embarrassed to say that I had never heard of this crime or documentary until a friend at work told me about it. Apparently Metallica and other high profile acts have even held some fundraiser gigs over the years to help raise money and awareness.
www.wm3.org
freethewestmemphisthree
wikipedia

Dolls fighting!

Thanks Fish!