Sunday, March 29, 2009

Me Meme!

Never got around to doing any of those things mentioned in my previous post!

Bloody work!

Now I'm not really big into these "meme" things but as this is the third time I have been "memed" (think the answers on this one should cover Lu's; though still need to do Calvin's) I thought I should make the effort to participate!

The Rules
1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Write six random things about yourself.
4) Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5) Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

1)On a school trip to the swimming pool when I was ten; a kid called Brian Devenny was found lying at the bottom of the pool ten minutes after the rest of his classmates had gone back to the changing rooms. We were the second class into the pool that day and it was one of my friends who spotted him. I still do not know to this day what happened to Brian and why everyone including his teacher failed to notice that he was missing. He was a tall kid, quiet, likeable and very soft spoken; he was also the constant victim of school bullying. I had become friends with Brian in the months leading up to his death and still think of him.

2)Caught masterbating.
In my early teens when I wasn't storming through the house in constant anger mode(teenagers eh!)I was spending most of my time in my bedroom masterbating! Now with my temper tantrums and anti-social behavior my dad must have thought that it was time for him to intervene. So there's me desperately trying to hold the door closed with one hand while trying to pull up my trousers with the other. Sad to report when my dad did finally get the door open(which in fairness didn't take very much effort) He picked up the porno mag, browsed through it and said "You know, it's not healthy doing this kind of stuff- you should really get out more!"

I then spurted on his shoe... and he was like "Collllinnnnn!" and then we both laughed at the obvious hilarity of the situation...

No, I made that last bit up!

3)Probably hard to imagine if you met me now, but when I was younger I was painfully shy! To the point that I would avoid any kind of social interaction. As I got older it was mistaken for an aloof arrogance- and then I discovered alcohol. Hurrah!

4)Terrible fear of the dark which stemmed from list item 6.

5)I was a massive Adam and the Ants fan back in the day. My black Harrington jacket was covered in badges and patches and I use to "Ant dance" around the house on a rather regular basis! My love of everything "Ant" led me to pick up the album Dirk Wears white Sox (This was Adam with his orig line-up before he styled himself all "native Indian" and hit the commercial big-time with King's of the wild Frontier) The album itself was a revelation as it covered such topics as: Cleopatra's obsession with oral sex and the size of God's knob! Not exactly the "Antmusic" I was expecting, but of course I f#$king loved it! Still do...

6)Suffered from sleep paralysis when I was younger and at the time I had no idea what the hell was going on. I thought I was either possessed or slightly psychotic!

Oh yeah, and it was Joe over at the excellent Grantbridge Street that tagged me.

Breaking the rules a bit here as I don't think I'll be tagging anyone else...

What!! At least I did it you muppets!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Sweet St Paddy and his fingering ways!!

I tell ya this, he's almost got the old 'Shocker' down pat, he does!

He's a friggin' fingering genius he is!

Ta diddly diddly de...

In fact it's the shocker and then some; I mean he's got about seven fingers for f*#k's sake! It's like a bloody octopus at the end of his wrist!

And wait a minute he's not Irish he's bleedin' Scottish!

What the..!?

Amazing what they hand out at Paddy's Parades eh?

Yeah crappy shit, that's what! I spend twenty five minutes in the pissing rain for this...?

Oh yeah and when your fingers are in it, it really does resemble legs doesn't it -WOW! Uncanny!

I thought I should post something for St Paddy's after being reminded by that Tom G fella, so I figgered a Scottish bloke with a deformed hand should do the trick.

Now will ye f*#k away off to bed!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Witness to a movie.

Watched the movie Martyrs last night.

After reading some excellent reviews whereby some are championing it as one of the finest horror movies to come along in quite some time, I was really intrigued and quite looking forward to seeing it!

I would have to say watching a woman being beaten viciously and repeatably for close to fifteen minutes never really sits that well with me! And similar to my reaction towards the rape scene in Irreversible, I would have have to ask 'Is this nothing more than extreme shock tactics, a puerile quasi-misplaced excuse for entertainment or can the cinematic portrayal of extreme torture and abuse be in some cases justified?'


Is Martyrs as some have speculated; a critique on Neo-Con politics or an indictment of religious extremism? Should the subtext and metaphor be more compared to the likes of a passion play? Or is it just another excuse for an exploitative "torture-porn flick?"

I'm hoping to write a full review of it later- but for now, I'm still digesting...

Below is the film's trailer and a review to give you some idea of what I am talking about:

Saturday, March 7, 2009

James Spader's cock and balls !!!

Well not really, it's actually more of a bare ass.

Why am I posting this raw nakedness of Mr "Pretty in Pink?" Well, I have been a little lazy of late, just posting various links, or embedding Youtube videos for your viewing pleasure, so I thought I would ramble about a little experience I had back in the summer of 95.

I was working for an animation/film company in Ireland as a character designer, storyboard artist for an animated series called 'The Sign of the Fish' about some bloke called Jesus and his exploits as he roamed around touching people and making them all "tingly" and strangely happy, well, that was until he stole some money from a temple, ran off to a beach in Dorset, built a huge sand castle and made hamster babies by inseminating Osyter shells with his do-da! Yeah, you know that's all made up, but c'mon I bet you'd rather pay to see that, than some depressing stone rolling, pontificating, cross-hanging do-gooder who never once, not once; got with a lady! Yeah? You know I'm right! One word "Ken-Russell" Okay, it's actually two words but I joined them together for extra impact.

Anyway, I was asked to fill in and do some duties on a live action feature called 'Driftwood' starring David Spade's brother "James" and some french actress who I cannot quite recall the name of...I could go to IMDB, but I just can't be bothered; and anyway this is about Spader's bare ass, not hers!


So I read the script, which I found to be complete and utter ASS! It was in actuality a complete rip -off of the movie "Misery" without any of the stuff that actually made Misery worth watching! Instead it was just a shell of a shell of an even more fragile shell that if you even remotely touched it - it would just crack and turn to dust, blowing away in the wind- and believe me, it would not have to be even "wind", it could in fact just be a slight breeze and still this shit would disappear like that Sherbert stuff I use to eat as a kid: actually, didn't really eat it- it was more the art of just pouring that asbestos type shit on your tongue and letting it dissolve. Or am I mistaking Sherbert for that "crackling stuff" that once you put it on your tongue it would all fizz up and pop and shit, like a mini fireworks going off in your mouth. God I loved that stuff!


I arrived at the hotel where I was to meet the director and after some dinner we retired to his bedroom...

Why am I telling you this...oh yeah, I'm blogging drunk-

The Director was actually a decent guy, a little pretentious maybe, with somewhat of a Woody Allen fixation- but not as bad as some of the arrogant,condescending,bottom-feeding film-types I had met previously.

Now this was a small atypical hotel room: one bed, with a little corridor that led to the bathroom. For the most part I sat on the bed with my sketch book in hand as he described the type of shots he wanted to convey to both his crew and the actors. You see, what I was being asked to board were the SEX SCENES of the movie! Which I'm sure sounds like it could've been fun, but I can assure you it most certainly was not!

The director sprawled himself on the bed and acted out what he wanted to be boarded! Yes indeed, I had to sit and watch as he quite literally, stroked and fondled himself in a very suggestive manner! You see, the guy came from an art-house background and wanted the sex scenes to emote an dream-like eroticism through metaphor and symbolism with a balletic sensibility that would lead the viewer into a state of somnambulistic hypnotic reverence.


But of course the scenes ended up looking contrived, unrealistic and more stifled and bland than a Paris Hilton sex tape. One of the scenes in particular involved Spader draping a transparent bed-sheet over the actress and then fondling and kissing her through the material.

See below:


We worked our way through the scenes quite quickly and throughout this time he would pop off to the bathroom on a regular basis, leaving the door slightly ajar so he could still communicate his "vision!" to me. I was starting to speculate that possibly the man had some toiletry problems, either that or he was getting a little over-excited in describing his erotic imaginings and well you know...! The strange thing was that I would never hear any signs or indication of urination; he seemed in fact to be just going to the bathroom and standing there.


When I finally had to use the bathroom, I will not deny I was slightly nervous as to what I may find in that white chamber of solitude! Perhaps he was feeding a pet snake or some other type of animal, possibly a mute legless cat with a incontinence problem, a shrine perhaps to Terry Wogan or some other religious-like figure that was giving him guidance, maybe even a "roofied" Spader bent over the side of the tub!!>>!!

What I did find to my utter amazement was...


Little snip-its of hair, scattered around the white floor of the bathroom making it resemble a miniature Barber shop.


Now this was a guy with an average amount of hair,I mean it wasn't like he had the equivalent of a sheepdog sat atop his head. In fact, the hair strewn across the floor was actually equivalent to the amount of hair that was on his head when I had first encountered him! So unless he was plucking his nose hairs or shaving his back,I still have no idea where all that hair came from.



It was obvious the man was trying to create a rather "quirky" persona for himself, something that would make him seem a little more eccentric, different and somewhat interesting!


Never got to meet Spader or any of the other actors for that matter, but I did get to meet the movie's cinematographer, Billy Williams.

So I guess it was worth it for that alone.

Well, kinda...

Friday, March 6, 2009

Saturday Morning Watchman

Now this is the Watchman I would pay to see! At least they kept the squid monster!

Check it out here:

Thanks JDarrell.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Hitler's reaction to the travesty, that is the Watchman movie!

SPOILER ALERT: reveals new ending- but c'mon, who cares anyway!?

I'm with Hitler on this one...
Via: www.boingboing

In the City

"Do you want jam on it?"
"The answer in this case is YES!"

The late Tony Wilson introduces The Jam:

So Steve Coogan...