Monday, February 2, 2009

Pizza delivery man scandal!

Bought a Pizza tonite for din dins. I've got the bloody cold and I just couldn't be bothered making anything to eat! So now I'm sipping ye old hot brandy to alleviate my suffering and will probably retire to bed with the book (pictured below on the previous post) I've convinced myself to read that thing from cover to cover. Why? No real reason- maybe just that after spending twenty bucks on it, I feel I should do something with it! And reading it seems like the most obvious option.

So yeah, getting back to the pizza!

Doorbell rings and it's the pizza guy all smiles, with the waft of really unhealthy "I'll have to now treadmill myself into early morning to lessen the load this monster is going to put on me" -type thing. So he passes over the pizza and the conversation went something like this:

"Hello sir!"


"Pizza for you sir?"


"Here you go!"

"Thanks very much! Now, how much do I owe you?"

"That will be, let me see- $22.05"

"Okay- well.."
(calculating the tip figure in my very unmathematical head)

"Make it $25"

So he takes my card and starts to fiddle with the portable visa card machine.
Then realising that $2.95 was a little under, I recalculated and added:

"You know what! Make it $3.50"

So that the the tip was leaning more towards the acceptable 15% mark.

To that he responded:

"Aw, make up your mind!?"

Now, he did not say that in a jokey way, with a raised eyebrow and a little smile dancing across his lips. Not at all! He did in fact seem genuinely pissed off that I had disturbed his calculations and in my rather idiotic way had decided to give him a more appropriate tip of 15%.

I was gobsmacked! Now I could have riled to his comment, but as I had the cold and was feeling rather miserable- coupled with my need to eat; I decided to let it pass.

My unspoken response was:

"Well you know what f#*ker! I still cannot make up my mind- mmmmm (ponder,ponder) Wait a minute; you know what- let's make it $1.50. How's that!? Does that suit? Does that seem more reasonable to you? And how about this, I make up the rest of the tip by taking one of those hot slices of pizza and I then shove it in that gaping orifice that you call a mouth!! You muppet, monkey f#*k!!"

Damn me and my passive aggressiveness!!!

Now I know these guys need the tips to help supplement their paycheques and usually for that matter I can be known for over-tipping, not because I'm spendthrift (Shit!OK, Please ignore previous book post!) more-so I can understand and relate to how difficult and ungratifying a service job such as pizza delivery can be!

So all in all maybe you were having a bad day big fella, but try not to take it out on a paying customer who was only trying to do the right thing by you...

I'm off to bed!


joe bloke said...

I never tip our Pizza guy. he's a dickwad. he never smiles, never says " thankyou, " ( even when I used to tip him ) and he always knocks on the wrong door first. every time. and I don't feel guilty about it, either. shit, I've bought weed off the little toerag in the pub, in the past. he's a miserable bleeder, and I'm all out of human kindness for miserable bleeders.

lu said...

I usually tip 20% minimum. Sling hash at a few of those muppet monkey feckers and you develop a guilt reflex when sitting on the other end of that menu. I only stiff em a little when they're arrogant or lazy.

Hot brandy eh? What about chicken soup? Now that's what you needed. Some homemade chicken soup with a bit o' cumin.

Ugly Angie said...

yeah, sometimes I think I would rather make my own pizza, rather than have to talk to someone...brand and tea is good, you probably weren't wearing your sock and caught a cold...thanks for the tip on Glenn Barr...I am really into his work! Would like to buy a print. Hope all is well!

The Igloo Keeper... said...

I don't get any pizzas delivered to me here in this godforsaken arctic wasteland, but in my previous life I had pizza delivery guys down as people I didn't tip.